No, African People (I) don’t hate girls. I, however, can’t stand the song (Girls, Girls, Girls), which was the second single off of Jay-Z’s Blueprint album. In the lyrics, he says

“I got this African chick with Eddie Murphy on her skull
She like, “Jigga Man, why you treat me like animal?”
I’m like excuse me Ms. Fufu, but when I met your ass
you was dead broke and naked, and now you want half”
I was in high school when the song came out, and never looked at Jay-Z in the same way. The sad part about it is that I was rocking my head to the song before this point. I had to re-evaluate whether or not I was just being sensitive and angry, and if he had degraded any other group of women in the same way. After all, the song also included the following:

“I got this Indian squaw the day that I met her
Asked her what tribe she with, red dot or feather
She said all you need to know is I’m not a ho
And to get with me you better be Chief Lots-a-Dough”

Many young Africans I’ve met and known growing up like and support hip-hop. The older heads will pick Fela Kuti, Sonny Okosum, or Miriam Makeba any day of the week, but as younger Africans have assimilated, so have their tastes in music. The American industry is actually becoming quite large in places like Nigeria, where the ThisDay Music Festival (featuring Jay-Z) was held in Abuja this past weekend. However, songs like “Girls, Girls, Girls,” not only degrade African women, but the lyrics perpetuate the stereotype and image of the African tribeswoman with a loincloth around her waist.

Hip-Hop:

I can’t pick on Jay-Z without referencing the subjugation of women in most rap songs. Hip-hop, what rap used to be, was not so vulgar and objectifying with songs like “Bonita Applebaum”, groups that spoke truth like Tribe Called Quest, and a time that was the high-energy, high-emotion, and high-pride post-black power era. Rap today is a little different.

<– Her mom didn’t know where she was…obviously.

Sure there are some songs and artists that capture what the genre was meant to evolve into, and even songs and artists whose idiotic lyrics are nice to dance to when you’ve had a bad day and need to dance; but the sad majority of rap songs profoundly subjugate black women, and make no effort to portray positive images of the diaspora. I really don’t care to go into (the many) arguments of funding and distribution of artists, the comparison of how women are portrayed in other genres, or BET.

“Excuse me Miss Fufu”…. wait, what is fufu?:

Fufu is a dish cooked to be either consumed with a light soup, or with greens. It is made with different ingredients, depending on where you are, but predominantly from starch, cassava, and yams. The trick is that it cannot be chewed. You swallow it along with a side, whether it be pepper soup or collard greens. In the states it is harder to find authentic ingredients to make it, but if you go to an international food store you’re sure to see a box that says “fufu flour” that can be mixed with instant potato flakes to make an identical dish. In some francophone countries they call it couscous, in Cuba they call it fufu de platano, and in the Dominican Republic it is called mufongo. Fufu’s a pretty heavy dish because the starches make it high in carbohydrates, so not many people eat it everyday (though I know exceptions). My mom used to make it every Sunday with pepper soup and yams.

<–Fufu and pepper soup

Eddie Murphy Raw:

In Eddie Murphy’s stand-up 90 minute film Eddie Murphy Raw, he jokes about finding a woman from the African bush to marry. Murphy also starred in Coming to America, the popular film about an African prince that travels to the states to get married. Although Murphy (like most comedians) pick on a number of groups during the length of the production, references like these are what fuel unfavorable and uncivilized perceptions of Africa.

The lyrics make up more than just a song; rap lyrics are creating a message that is circulated widely among young Black people, to a point where the sentiments expressed in the songs may sometimes even become intrinsic to impressionable listeners. And if what schoolbooks and a broken system are asserting about us is being reinforced BY US, it’s hard to figure out where to begin in our re-education and liberation.

Shortly after Liberia was colonized by former slaves, there was also an influx of Caribbean immigrants to the country, mainly from Barbados and Trinidad. As a result, I am Liberian but my father’s grandmother was a Barbadian-Liberian. Actually, a huge part of diaspora history that we never learn about is the moving around of Black people during the decades after slavery, and how those movements played a role in what we feel for each other today. As you know, many former slaves from America settled in Liberia and Sierra Leone, former slaves from England settled in Nigeria, Ghana, and Sierra Leone. Some of France’s former slaves moved back to what is now the Ivory Coast and other francophone countries, some Africans and African-Americans moved to Europe, Caribbeans moved EVERYWHERE, from the US to Europe, and back to Africa as some of my father’s family.

During this movement, because the Caribbean still traded with the US and was closer geographically, Caribbean immigrants settled in the northeast in places like New York and New Jersey to find work. African-Americans and Caribbeans have a different relationship than African-Americans and Africans because of the above stated, because they share the history of former enslavement (remember that Willie Lynch was supposedly a Caribbean slave-owner), and because they have co-existed in American inner-cities for a longer period than African-Americans and Africans, and have thus learned to live with one another understandably, a point that I think can also be reached between Africans and African-Americans. I also think the following three men have something to do with it.

The Three:

<–Marcus Garvey (Jamaica)

<–Bob Marley (Jamaica)

<–Colin Powell (Jamaica)

In college the ASA (African Student’s Association) and the CSA (Caribbean Student’s Association) were sometimes two in one. There was competitive rivalry with soccer games, both groups celebrated similar (much of the same) music, both shared the experience of being an “other”, being teased, and most come from parents that were ridiculously strict when it came to receiving and excelling in an American education.

However, while having a conversation with a classmate one day (Caribbean), I opened my eyes to something that I had managed to miss amidst my observations of the diaspora. First, not only did some racist things (stereotypes) escape her about African-Americans (lazy, don’t care about education, women are “loose”), but she HATED that one of her friends (also Caribbean) had dated an African-American woman, supposedly been cheated on, and that she had to now tell him that she advised against it in the first place. After I told her that it was absolutely the wrong thing to say to him after he’d already been cheated on, I asked her why she advised him against it in the first place. She insisted that the two groups just had completely different morals. Later on after departing with her, I made a mistake and called one of my African-American friends my Caribbean friend’s name (since I had just been with her). My African-American friend thought that I was referring to one of my African friends (same name) and winced. When I explained to her that I was talking about the other named friend whom I’d just seen, she laughed, and even seemed to take it as a compliment.

So why, despite the fact that some Caribbeans harbor the same sentiments (fears) towards African-Americans as some Africans do, are Caribbeans a more accepted immigrant group among African-Americans?

Geography:

The West Indies are much closer and less expensive to get to than Africa. Therefore, if Black people were educated wrongly to believe that all Jamaicans had dreadlocks and all Haitians were dirty, the countries (and truth) were more accessible. One can travel easily to the West Indies to see the truth for themselves, rather than depending on schoolbooks and television to educate them. The location of the West Indies also makes it easier for more Caribbeans to immigrate here than Africans, opening African-Americans up to a larger and more diverse experience of the culture and people, and dispelling various stereotypes and presumptions as the years rolled on and co-habitations increased.

Appearance:

We are not taught how diverse Caribbean countries are. West Indian familial ties do not only trace back to Europeans and Africans, but Chinese, Native-Americans, and Indians, have been settled across the Caribbean for centuries. The mixing and marrying of many of its members are similar to those of African-American history, therefore making the two groups physically resemble each other more than their African counterparts. It is easier to believe that someone that looks like you may understand you than someone that doesn’t.

Language:

Most Caribbean countries, with the exception of places like Haiti (French), are English-speaking. Most African countries and people have native languages that they learned either with or before they learned English. Language, of course, is fundamental to communication. Many Caribbeans do not have different languages to resort to when they choose to exclude other cultures from their communication. If what you think and feel for someone must be said, then what is misunderstood is easier resolved. In rooms and settings with non-Africans, Africans may resort to their languages as a safe place, because we (I’m perpetrating, I only speak English) may feel displaced. In a place so far away from home, language is an element of your national pride and identity that never excludes you. Through fear, alienation, and sometimes even anger, our languages make us feel safe and at home.

Also, although sometimes some Caribbeans may speak with a deep and somewhat undecipherable accent, it is still an accent that is considered different and even sexy, and thus plays into the exoticism of West Indians, moreso than most Africans.

Oh! I almost forgot. I mean, The Four, including:

<–Stokeley Carmichael (Trinidad)

What is important is that we do not lose who we are, but still attempt, always attempt, to know more about each other.  This goes to all three groups.  We are all undoubtedly connected, and ALL of our histories were disjointed.  So who am I? Who was I? Who were we? Where are my people going? How are they doing?  What caused the sentiments we have toward one another? And more importantly, what can I do to play a role in our redemption, our progression, and the realization of who and where we were always meant to be.

I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be writing over the weekends. I know the weekend is over and it’s a little late, but I received an inquiry and wanted to let you know for future reference.

One day in high school while at lunch, I sat down with a group of friends who were having a conversation about a new guy that had just transferred to our school.

“Did you meet him?” Someone asked me.

I shook my head. I was hungry and didn’t want to be bothered.

“You may know him,” another friend said.

“Why?” I asked.

“He’s African.”

I lost my appetite.

One of the biggest misconceptions that Africans in America have to deal with is that Africa is a huge country where everyone speaks “African” and wears “African clothes” and dances “African” in tribal ceremonies that are held for the king of “Africa” (who Eddie Murphy played in that movie); and despite the fact that it can hold the land occupied by China, India, Europe, Argentina, New Zealand and the continental United States, with room to spare, everyone knows each other.

<– I don’t know him. (Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe)

<– Or her. (Charlize Theron, South Africa)

The Language of “African”:

Of the 54 countries in Africa there are around 2500 languages spoken, and up to 8000 dialects. Aside from the indigenous languages, the English speaking countries all have distinct accents in English; not to mention people that repatriated to those countries from America, Australia, and Europe, and came back with sounds of their own. If there is any common language, it’s the eye language; the common and understood look that two Africans may give while in a room with non-Africans who are finding pleasure in dissing the continent.

The “African” Way:

If you’ve ever visited Africa as a non-African, you may remember things being referred to as “the African way”. That, just means in comparison to your way. If the said speaker were a Burundian speaking to an Ivorian, the said “African way” would quickly become the Burundian way.

Call Me Who I Am:

You may find that when you call a Nigerian something other than a Nigerian, they may look at you like you have something on your lip. If you call an African non-Nigerian a Nigerian, they may look at you like they want to kill you. Although in America groups like the ASA bring Africans together for peaceful fellowship, you may still find that they don’t want to be mistaken for one another. Ethiopians and Eritreans are other groups that don’t like to be confused as the other, even though they were once the same country. Even further, try calling a Yoruba (Nigerian) person Igbo (Nigerian). They will correct you. Try calling a Vai (Liberian) person Bassa (Liberian). They will correct you.

If you don’t know which country someone is from or what language they speak, ask.

African Crash Course (as written by Melony Ochieng):

It comes as something of a surprise to many Africans to discover that all Africans look the same to non-Africans.

How do you tell a Nigerian from a Kenyan, for example; and I am not talking about passports or clothing? Well the easiest way, of course, is the name: for example Ogunkoye can only be a Nigerian and Njoroge from Kenya.

And so where do the Dunns come from? They are certainly from Liberia or Sierra Leone. Surely, everybody knows that the loud and cocky ones are the West Africans; the brooding and sly ones are the North and South Africans respectively; the East Africans always say yes, even when they disagree with you violently.

To be more specific, the Cameroonians will borrow money from you to buy Champagne; whilst the Ghanaians think they invented politics. The Congolese think they have the best music and the best dancers; the
Nigerians have a thing about clothes; and the Ethiopians believe they have the most beautiful women on God’s earth. Moroccans actually think they’re French, and so do the Burkinabes. Algerians just hate the French; Sierra Leonians simply smile profusely; and Liberians can’t get over America.

All East and South African countries have the same national anthem, but the South Africans sing it the best.

The South Africans have no hair; the Zambians and Kenyans have prominent foreheads; the West Africans have short memories and never learn from their mistakes; the concept of order and discipline must have been invented in East Africa; the words don’t exist in West Africa, especially in Nigeria.

When a cabinet minister is “caught with his hands in the till,” he commits suicide in Southern Africa; in West Africa he’s promoted after the next coup d’etat.

In athletics, the divisions are quite simple: from 800m to the marathon the East Africans hold sway; the West Africans are only good at the sprints; and South Africans can only sing. But when it comes to football(soccer), the North and West Africans dominate the lesser-skilled East and South Africans.

An African boy grows up in America. If he refrains from using his accent unless he’s around family, visits the gym frequently to grow a body that women call sexy, gets hip to the latest music and styles, he is usually able to gain acceptance from his peers.  He is still seen as an African, but somewhat of an African exception; especially the young men that join high school and college football and basketball teams, or become models and/or actors.

CASES in POINT:

 <– NFLers like Mathias Kiwanuka (Uganda)

 <– Actors like Djimon Hounsou (Benin)

 <– Actors like Chiwetel Ejiofor (Nigeria)

 <—Actors like Idris Elba (Sierra Leone/Ghana)

For African women, it’s quite different.  First, I want you to think for me as hard as you can of a name of a mainstream African woman in America.  Note: It cannot be Alek Wek (Sudan,model), Iman (Somalia, model), Oluchi Onweagba (Nigeria, model), or Liya Kebede (Ethiopia, model).

Another Note: Also remember that people refer to one of the above women as “that dark African model” 

Still thinking? 

Unless the girl does not have stereotypical African features, or has a traditionally American name, her assimilation is usually much harder than the male siblings in her family who may have the same features.

History:

Colorism’s double standard has been present in America for a very long time.  During slavery, while lighter skinned slaves usually worked in the house and darker skinned slaves worked in the field, slave owners placed a ranking system on all of the slaves on their plantations, and in many ways passed that system on to the individuals that they enslaved.  Because for a while lighter skinned men could usually be found in the house, darker skinned men did most of the hard labor (picking, plowing, mowing, farming, yielding), and were thus more valuable when they were priced to sell.  Of course that changed over time as the number of lighter skinned male slaves grew, but the more muscular, the broader the shoulders, the more useful in the field a man was, the more he was worth.  This reasoning is also why light skinned men (EVEN TODAY) still have a ridiculous stigma of being “soft” or “pretty” or “punks”, and may have to earn respect among their black male peers.  What was valuable then, is still seen as valuable now, and is thus why African males can easier blend into the description of desirable, sexy, and handsome among women.

Because black women suffered horrible sexual abuse during slavery, an abuse that’s mindset still lingers in the endorsers of black female subjugation and images of the black Jezebel, her value (for a long time) was between her legs.  How many children can she provide?  How good is she in bed?  How well can she take care of my children?  Women that had relations with slave owners sometimes received gifts in return; like safety for them and their children, and later, even economic gain.  As the population of lighter skinned women grew, so did an interest in them, since they shared some of the same features (nose, eyes, blood type) as their owner.  They then became who were higher priced (aside from women that they called “Mammies”), since by Western standards they were ”cleaner” and more “attractive” than their darker counterparts.  Again, that same value system has been passed down, where even black people tend to value and prefer lighter skinned women over darker skinned women.  I believe this is why it’s much harder to see an African woman in the mainstream without her being susceptible to vicious taunts about her features and skin, and African men are more easily accepted.

Black Female Loyalty:

Perhaps slavery’s history in this country has very little to do with the double standard.  Another conceivable option is the loyalty that black women have to their men, despite how they may sometimes be treated and objectified, and later even forced to take an L to her non-black counterparts.  Black women in America seem to have a much stronger allegiance to black men than what they receive in return.  They generally stick up for them more, put up with more, and are less likely to marry outside of their race (that might change soon though, considering the latest statistics).  Because of this, black women in America are more likely to accept assimilated African males.  They are more likely to give those men a chance.  Black men, on the other hand, unless the African woman is unsuspecting or has fully assimilated (she knows nothing about her parent’s country), are rarely as accepting.

Economics:

Have you noticed that very few romantic pairs seem to physically match each other?  It seems that no matter how a man looks, he can court what his society calls an attractive woman, as long as he has money.  This is also a very viable reason that African men in America may not suffer from the same colorism as African women.  Most of our parents did not make education an option for us.  It wasn’t if we were going to college, it was where.  The denial of their education upon immigrating here hurt so much that they are mostly all determined that their children receive degrees and advanced degrees from the best schools in the country.  They get back at them by educating us.  Because of this pressure on education, some African males come out with impressive job placement and have a larger option in choosing mates, since women generally flock to successful men, sometimes no matter how they look or where they are from.

For women, of course, it’s different.  In Western culture, a trophy wife is typically a White woman with blond hair.  That image is gradually shifting to women of Latin origin and black women with European features.  Most African women in America do not fit into those categories.  On the other hand, if she becomes educated and obtains the advanced degrees that her parents encourage her to, she is clumped into what the mass are calling “angry black woman”, which I’m beginning to believe is just code for a liberated woman of color who knows better than to accept all of the ideals and norms that were handed to her.  The ABW’s are increasingly non-married, or are beginning to marry outside of their race (white men).  In my experience, white men have shown more romantic interest in African women than African-American men have.  The only problem with that is the intent.  Do the said men see her as the beautiful, intelligent, worldly, witty woman that she is and wants to get to know; or does he still see her as Jezebel in a scant red robe, the image that began all of this mess in the first place.

The crude implication that white skin is the right skin is one of the main reasons that Black people stay mentally constrained and unable to reach the potential of global economic influence, educational wealth, and unity.

For the most part, the African men that I have been exposed to care about (1) The bone structure/physical characteristics of a woman’s face  (2) (probably moreso than 1), Her body.  No matter how skinny a girl is, as long as she has…..endowment, then she’s alright.  Typically, bigger women are more admirable because the size of a woman forecasts her ability and success in bearing children.  (3) She can’t be dumb.  By dumb, I don’t necessarily mean women that didn’t pursue secondary or post-secondary degrees and excel; by “she can’t be dumb”, I mean a woman has to be able to reason, multitask, and handle a household (cook, clean, raise 5-6 children, run a small family business, etc.).  These three things were what I observed growing up as the standard of African beauty.  Women who may get teased for their features, dark skin, heaviness, etc. in the West, were always the ones that the men in my family appreciated.

CASES In POINT:

  By Western standards, Serena Williams’ facial and physical features are described as masculine because of her athletic build and dark skin. By African standards, her facial bone structure is stunning and her body is perfect.

After competing on ANTM, Toccara starred on Celebrity Fit Club, since by Western standards she’s just too big.  By African standards, she should stay just as she is.

Kelly Rowland is petite compared to the other two examples, but she still has a figure.  Who I once heard referred to as “Destiny’s dark child” (I don’t want to talk about that day), is the favorite DC member of most of my African (and American) friends.  While by Western standards her skin may be a bit darker than mainstream entertainers, she is flawless to many African men that I know.  (Side Note: This may be why her following is so large in the UK, and even why she chooses to stay there.  The UK has a huge African population.)

While the above three women are good examples of the Western/African beauty comparison, there is currently an underground trend occurring in Africa that is warping concepts of beauty: skin bleaching.

Most Africans don’t like talking about it.  We are a proud people and don’t like to admit that self-hatred, insecurity, and colonial oppression affected us as seriously as it did.  And while for the most part traditional standards of beauty are still respected and upheld, there is now an elephant in the room that refuses to be still, that is now facing us in a dead-lock gaze of opposition and confrontation.

Skin bleaching has been around for a long time.  Shulamite, Solomon’s bride in the bible opens up the scribe with reference to her darkness and how she was scolded by her brothers for it.  As punishment, they made her stand outside and watch their tents for them.  

Skin bleaching traveled to White Europeans also, mostly women and men from the southern and eastern regions, who wanted to look more like the Anglo-Saxon members of their race.   

Skin bleaching has been all up and through Asia, a trend that I will (DEFINITELY) expound on later.

Sigh.  

Now our turn.

We see them all the time on ethnic aisles at the supermarket, claiming to remove blemishes and freckles.  The horrible thing about these creams is that they contain highly toxic chemicals like ammoniated mercury, which has health risks like weakening the immune system and basically melting your skin off.  It is also sad because you’ll rarely hear someone say, “Yeah, so, after I bleached my skin this morning….”  People that use these products usually do it in secret, and suffer from serious mental inferiority complexes.  Think in terms of someone that has bulimia or anorexia.  They won’t admit the problem, because they think they are in need of the harm that they cause themselves because of a standard that was instilled into their mindsets.  

BBC was probably one of the first to uncover the skin-bleaching industry in the UK a while back.  The African population there bought both creams and pills to lighten their skin, most convinced that it would increase their chances of landing good jobs, mates, etc.  Soon after, I heard a news story of a South African boy that actually took a bath in bleach, permanently damaging his skin and tampering with his immune system.  When asked what inspired him to do it, he said it was to compete for a job.  As what?  A busboy.

The struggle to survive, to be viable competitors of good jobs and lives in a growing global economy is both killing young African men and women, and rupturing former ideals of beauty.  Media also play a role as we see with African-American struggles in the United States and the blatant existence of colorism in both the Caribbean and many Latin American countries.  I wonder if the singer Estelle, for instance, would’ve ever been able to make it off of just her talent in mainstream American pop-culture.  My guess is probably not.  Pop-culture now is barely about talent at all.  It is about image.  European image.  Therefore, the more “globalized” media become, the more products like this will line African store shelves:

 <– Black Genocide

Although Africa currently needs the investments that globalization provides to restore their economies, allowing foreign media, businesses, and tourism also comes with the threat of distorting the concept of beauty, pride, and confidence, as we know it.

International (Recognizable) Black Female Stars:

……………………………………….hmMMMMMMMMMM.  Which one of these DOESN’T MATCH THE OTHER ONES………

Wow.  Such variation.  I’m inspired.

When I say democracy, I’m not talking about the actual principle or theory of it; most African countries enjoy perpetrating democratic governments that are ruled fairly and equally.  When I nominate democracy, it is because democratic rule has made monarchies dwindle and has undermined the strength and power that they may once have had.  This has become a huge problem because African men and women everywhere have made a habit of making oblivious friends believe the following: that they are a Prince or Princess back home.

I was on the web yesterday and saw this picture of actress Sanaa Lathan and NFLer Adewale Ogunleye:

They are both pretty good looking and seem to be really into each other.  The interview that followed, however, quotes Lathan saying, “He’s a Nigerian prince.”  The first thing I did when I noticed the name was I counted in my head how many Nigerian friends I had with the same name.  Then, I tried to recollect how many of them had led me to believe that they were from a royal family.  I had to laugh before calling a friend of mine to ask her about it.  Her voicemail instructed me to call her after nine.  So, I thought, perhaps Sanaa was just using it as a term of endearment.  After all, don’t we all call our significant others kings and queens?  I found out later on that Ogunleye’s grandfather is, in fact, the king of the Nigerian City of Emura. 

So how does that work?  How does an African democracy exist alongside monarchies?  And doesn’t a monarchy imply rule under one family/entity?  Why do I have so many royal friends from the same country?  

The Oba & the Lipa

King Mswati III rules Africa’s last remaining absolute monarchy in Swaziland.  Most of the other countries hold democratic elections and elect a President from various political parties.  However, in Nigeria for example, each village and city has it’s own king, or Oba or Lipa.  The titles are passed down through generations, traditionally to the family of the first-born male off-spring.  Oba’s are generally extremely wealthy businessmen, head of various community organizations, and recognized by the government (with car license plates that read Lipa).  There are also the historical chieftancies of each the Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa, Zaria, Gobir, Ife, Oyo, Ijebu, and Ibo ethnic groups to name a few.  When you count all of the cities, villages, historical ruling ethnic groups and royal houses, you may have around one-hundred (or more) kingdoms.  The children from royal families have traditionally come to the United States or gone to London to study, then they go back home to begin families, and become the Obas or Lipas or their city/villages, if they choose.  Although as a royal, marrying a non-royal is perhaps not as taboo as it used to be, there are still people that are entrenched in the culture and heirarchy, and would rather have their children marry from other royal families. 

The Slave-Trade Empires

When Kingdoms went to war, the losing tribe was taken as captives by the winning tribe.  As the Atlantic Slave trade began, these kingdoms would sell their war captives to slave traders for weapons, luxuries, etc.  When the tribes ran out of people to sell, slave traders would raise the offer of goods so that the ruling kingdoms would enter the African interior and capture weaker tribes to trade.  Of this, kingdoms like the Asante of contemporary Ghana, the Vai of contemporary Liberia and Sierra Leone, and the Oyo of contemporary Nigeria, grew dominant in their regions.  The trade increased the wealth of many of these kingdoms, but was so destructive to the overall African economy that many of their reigns did not last past colonialism and the democratization of West-African territories.  The Vai people of Liberia, however, still may consider themselves of royal ancestry since the tribe gained so much wealth and land during the slave-trade years.  The legend is that when the Vai had no more of their servants to sell, grew tired of traveling the interior, and suspected that there was something wrong with the greed and ambition with which the slave-traders visited the coast, they stopped dealing with them.  Then, a trader looked at a Vai King and pointed to his kingdom and said “What about these men?” And the king said, “They are royal.  They are free men.”  During colonialism when the inhabitants of some African territories inherited English last names, the Vai, from this encounter, kept the surname Freeman.  Many Freemans (and Fahnbullehs) from West Africa trace their ancestry to the slave-trade empires, and thus, also consider themselves royal.

The Ethiopian Dynasty

The Ethiopian  Kingdom was founded some time around 9th or 10th century B.C. by Solomon’s son Menelik I.  Ethiopia is one of the most ancient and rich cultures in the world, in that its documented history scans theological, archaeological, educational, and linguistic recollections of the early world, placing Africa on the map way before people like to admit it.  Although contemporarily the country is a Federal Democratic Republic that’s monarchy was abolished in 1975, those who can trace their blood lines back to former Kings and of course, Emperor Haile Selassie, are still considered the Ethiopian royal family.

When’s the last time you saw a homeless African in America? Think long and hard. When was the last time that the fellow asking you for change had a deep and somewhat aggressive accent that led you to believe that he was from the mother continent? It was probably around the time that you saw a homeless Chinese or Mexican person.

Sure in the actual countries there are millions of homeless; displaced of war, disease, gentrification, natural disaster, you name it. But here?? If you’ve made it to America then I guarantee you will find SOMEBODY to live with. Unless you have committed an unpardonable sin, or are unbelievably lazy (and even that gets by sometimes), you have at least one relative or friend that you will live with until you get on your feet.

Family:

<–Typical African family (immediate)

While in America the typical household size is four or five (and that’s considered stretching it), most African countries have household sizes of around seven or eight. That’s an average of 5-6 children. I remember growing up and going to church with my brothers and sisters. We took up an entire pew. People were so impressed with my mom, who actually didn’t really feel spectacular at all. She had the most children out of all of her other Liberian friends, who averaged about four, but back home she would’ve been just another mom. Her mom had six kids, her mom’s mom had around ten, my dad is the oldest of nine, his dad was the youngest of seven. Kids were not as economically draining as they are in the US because the general concensus was (1) Little boys grew up to be men who went to college and made a good living to take care of not only their new family, but their mother, father, and all of their extended family (2) Little girls grew up to be women who married college men who made a good living to take care of not only his new family, but his mother, father, and all of his extended family (in-laws). When wars disrupted most of those countries, scaterring ex-patriates to America and London, it wasn’t very hard to find family (brother, sister, cousin, in-law) to live with until you found a job (or three) to stand on your own.

Extended Family:

<—Typical African family (extended)

Another thing I remember growing up was that I had a lot of uncles and aunties. It wasn’t until I got to middle school that I learned that most of the people that I addressed as Uncle (insert brother’s name) and Aunty (insert middle name) had no blood relation to me. If someone was a classmate or close friend of my parents back home, they were automatically my aunts and uncles. If someone was a neighbor or churchmate of my parents back home, they were automatically my aunts and uncles. When I finally asked my mom why I had so many aunties, she answered,

“Because they’re like sisters to me.”

Keyword: like

Meaning: We had a class together in elementary school.

Considering how “extended” this actually makes my family, I kind of have lifetime housing insurance. Nobody that I’ve called Uncle or Aunty my entire life would have me on a park bench. I may be subject to excessive and sometimes ridiculous house chores during my stay, but at least I would have a place to stay. I have lifetime hotel membership also, because no matter what state I’m in I can call my mom and ask her which aunty and uncle I can stay a night with. I can also expect to visit home at any random time to see an “extended” family member in the guest room (my former bedroom), while my parents are putting them up for a “short while” (a year).

(Side Note (Liberia): If you ever meet a Liberian and tell them a name of another Liberian you know, this may be why that name sounds familiar to them, because he/she is a distant relative of an “Aunty” or “Uncle”. If you ever meet a Liberian and tell them a name of a famous Liberian, this may be why they get excited and tell you that the person is related to them, because he/she is a distant relative of an “Aunty” or “Uncle”.)

Friends:

<— Typical African family friends

I once thought that my mom was extremely popular, because anytime I told her a story or explained a movie I had just watched, she would tell me about a friend of hers that went through the same thing. Around the same time I realized that my uncles weren’t really my uncles, I had the following conversation with my mom.

Middle-School Me: Today Marcus got chewed out by Mr. Klein.

Mom: Ay-ya, my friend Mussu just died back home.

Middle-School Me: (Not sure how she got Mussu from Marcus or Mr. Klein but still genuinely concerned) When??!

Mom: Last week.

Middle-School Me: (Confused) Well, you don’t seem really sad. How long did you know her?

Mom: I met her once with Aunty (unrelated) Rina.

Middle-School Me: (Silent. Betrayed.)

It was then that I realized that anyone that my mom had a conversation with (anything beyond hello, including goodbye) in her entire life was, in her eyes, her friend. She even had some of these people’s numbers, and would randomly call them to say hello. Strangely, even if they hadn’t spoken to her in thirty years since their initial (and only) greeting, they would have hour-long conversations about the way things were before the war, their children, and who else they knew that were in the states. When my mom came to America and over the years, her list of friends has grown to everyone that has ever attended an American Baptist Association convention, the states of Texas, Rhode Island, and Minnesota, and Johnnie Cochran. Needless to say she has options if anything ever happens to her house. God forbid.

Don’t get me wrong. There are scums in every culture and demographic, who prey on their women because they are cowards, but the assumption about African men is becoming a stereotype. That’s a problem. A big problem.

At first, I thought that the assumption came from media. After all, if Africans and African-Americans weren’t marrying in high numbers, then how could a rumor be passed around so widely that it became a stereotype of African men? Then I thought, no, it isn’t directly media, because the most abusive black men I’ve ever seen in media were these two:

<–Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs as Joe Jackson (Michael’s dad) in Jackson Five:An American Dream (1992) (TV)

and

<—Lawrence Fishburn as Ike Turner in What’s Love Got to Do With It

So then, where could this assumption have come from? Here are some possibilities.

Deep Voice:

Deep Voices are a hit or miss because women either see it as really sexy or really scary. When a man has a deep voice, he is often times seen as more masculine than his higher-pitched counterparts. Extreme masculinity is linked to dominance, sexism, and even violence, unfortunately. If you notice, many African men have deep voices (with the acception of Akon). Whether or not their voices are a result of the vowel/consonant usage in languages, I’m not sure. But perhaps this contributes to the notion that they are aggressive men.

Traditionally Sexist(by Western Standards) Cultures:

Some ethnic groups in Africa still practice polygamy. Though colonialism and the spread of Christianity decreased the practice of the tradition, the view of men as a dominant sex still largely remains due to the economic natures of their roles. African men hold large monopolies in government, business, and labor. A woman’s role is still largely to care for her children. Christianity even furthers those values since a wife is called upon to be submissive to her husband. African women, in my experience, are extremely strong business women in their own right (count how many braiding salons you see on a main street in any city), but still honor and try to serve their men. This may be seen by the West as a fear of the men, or a problem with the culture, resulting in speculations that they may be terrorized at home.

The Demeanor:

My dad and uncles were always (and still are) the smartest men that I know. They were extremely spiritual, hilarious, and never laid an abusive hand on my mother, their children, or my aunts. Their demeanors, however, may have led you to believe otherwise. Sometimes they didn’t speak much when we had friends over. They chose to stay to themselves, and only spoke when sending us to do something, or asking a question. I didn’t notice this until a friend was over my house one day and mentioned that he had never heard my father speak. That could be suspect, as a child visiting a friend, and may sound awkward and even offensive when the said child informs their parents of their experience. My father’s demeanor and African men that may have had similar mannerisms, came from his exhaustion and frustration in his displacement. A significant amount of African men that hold working-class jobs, or own small taxi companies, take-out restaurants, etc., may have once held prominent positions in their home countries, and may have even been extremely wealthy. The majority of those that ended up in America are not here by choice. War is the biggest reason for immigration, but corrupt governments can be blamed for their displacement also. The horrible part about it is that when they come here, America doesn’t grant their college or advanced degrees as “accredited”, and since most have children and families, they can’t afford to go back to school. So essentially, they have to start all over. Essentially, they are living “riches to rags” stories, and are emasculated, disheartened, and become introverted in return. Not to mention, in addition to having lost everything and having a boss who you know more than, being teased because of your accent, the way you look, and your country.

The history of America’s BLACK MALE FEAR:

After slavery, one of the fallacies used to disconnect white women from possible attraction to black males was the stereotype that they were sexually and physically abusive men. Over time, the assumption died down (when million dollar contracts were signed by pro-athletes and professionals, but I digress). It still exists; the image of the aggressive black male preying on the blond-haired, flat ass maiden, the King-Kong and whatever-her-name-was, the Lebron James and Gisele Bundchen….yeah I said it.

<—- sigh.

Consider this: how different is the assumption (stereotype) that African men are aggressive wife-beaters from what the majority believed about African-American men forty years ago (and still)? See a pattern? We are internalizing their stereotypes of us, and are therefore stagnant, because we are being trained to see ourselves as they see us.

And if what they see of us is like the above image of Lebron, then tell me; how much progress are we, can we, really make?

Have you ever been at a bar or club, or in any sort of loud room where you were asked to repeat everything you said at least four times because the person couldn’t hear you? You try different methods of relaying your words to them–pronouncing each syllable slowly, making silly gestures with your hands–and still they look at you confused and a bit annoyed at themselves that they can’t understand what you are saying. What usually happens (at least to me) is that you get frustrated, give up, and gesture to them that you’ll tell them later.

Imagine that happening to you every time you interacted with someone outside of your family or cultural circle, except it’s no loud room or no airplanes are flying above your head. The room is actually very quiet and all eves seem to be on you. The second repetition would just be a reiteration. On the third you would talk slower. On the fourth you would grow frustrated, since you begin to imagine that it is impossible for someone to be that dumb and inattentive that they still need another replicate of your thoughts.

At home my mom was talkative. Unlike my dad we knew everything about her childhood, her dreams, what life would’ve been like for us if she’d stayed in Africa, and how much she loved Oprah. Outdoors, it was different. Outside I saw her struggle to express her thoughts, her name, even a greeting, though English was her first language. I was six when I began to “interpret English” for her. After the third time she said something, I would jump in and clarify what she was trying to say. It was usually followed by a laugh from the hearing-impaired audience, and an apology. Over time her English, by American standards, became less difficult to understand, and since we were from a small suburb, people became use to the way she sounded.

Still, it astounds me when I think of the length my mother had to sometimes go through to express herself. I wonder what it must’ve done to her spirit, pride, and self-esteem to have her six-year-old child speak for her despite the Ivy League Master’s degree that hung on our den wall. It seemed sometimes that the need for repetition was out of pure laziness, as though who she was speaking to neither cared to or planned to ever try to accept her difference, a difference that is a significant part of this country and its history.

In college I served at a restaurant and I remember the owner of the place talking about how her Hispanic kitchen staff needed to learn English. The amazing part is that she was an Asian-American woman, whose mother or father probably had the same difficulties as my mother. I wondered if that’s how my kids (when I take that step) would feel about newly immigrant groups, if they will be connected at all with their grandmother’s story and frustration.

First of all, English is as original to America as cocoa (both literal and figurative). Aside from that, the notion that there is a right way of speaking English in this country is SO entirely bogus to me, since what has derived from standard King’s English is far from proper. Every group of people that have settled in this country have developed their own form of expression, influenced by the custom of their new lives while still staying true to their cultural root. Spanglish and Pigeon are good examples of this. Come to think of it, the way the majority sounded down south is pretty distinct from what I hear in the Northeast. I’m not only speaking about the way they sound either, but the actual things that they say, the words that each region uses to state a thought. For instance, think about the words used to describe soft drinks. There’s pop, coke, soda, soda water, and many others that I’m sure I haven’t even heard of. Which one is correct? What is American English? What does it sound like? Should my mom have had a twang to match the members of our Southern suburb, or learned how to speak as rapidly as the women I encountered on New York subways?

And how about Ebonics? Although standardized tests choose to ignore it as a tool of holding many minorities back (I’ll expound later), it is something that I believe should be recognized as what it is; another American dialect. Slavery is a dark part of all of our histories. It is. But out of it came a remarkable and mighty culture, full of its own customs and jargon. In private black people expose that custom and jargon, but for some reason around the majority, there is pressure to conform to a fallacy that we call proper English, ashamed to be ourselves because we’ve been taught that it is incorrect. Says who? The guy with the twang (that sounds more like a speech impediment), or the guy that named his child Apple?

I’ve heard arguments about American language and sound, especially when it comes to immigrants. I was involved in a conversation about Hispanic immigrants once when a girl said “If we had to learn English, they should have to too.” Although I disagree with her reasoning, I do think that it’s important to learn the majority language of the country that you are in, i.e. Before going to France I would watch my Rosetta Stone to make sure that I can communicate with French people. Should I expect my French accent to be on par with a native French person? No. Should I feel incorrect, embarrassed, and improper because I don’t sound exactly like them? No. If you notice, when Americans butcher other languages to native speakers, unless they completely don’t understand what you are saying, they won’t ask you to repeat yourself. They may look at you funny, but they understand that you are trying to communicate with them on their terms, and oddly (in my experience) respect that (or laugh at you when you leave).

For some reason, we have a mentality that there is a proper way of speaking English, and rarely try to accommodate difference. The repeated “huh?” and “what?”s are examples of that. We’re all guilty of it. Even when speaking to family.