The Assumption that African Men Are Physically Abusive
Don’t get me wrong. There are scums in every culture and demographic, who prey on their women because they are cowards, but the assumption about African men is becoming a stereotype. That’s a problem. A big problem.
At first, I thought that the assumption came from media. After all, if Africans and African-Americans weren’t marrying in high numbers, then how could a rumor be passed around so widely that it became a stereotype of African men? Then I thought, no, it isn’t directly media, because the most abusive black men I’ve ever seen in media were these two:
<–Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs as Joe Jackson (Michael’s dad) in Jackson Five:An American Dream (1992) (TV)
and
<—Lawrence Fishburn as Ike Turner in What’s Love Got to Do With It
So then, where could this assumption have come from? Here are some possibilities.
Deep Voice:
Deep Voices are a hit or miss because women either see it as really sexy or really scary. When a man has a deep voice, he is often times seen as more masculine than his higher-pitched counterparts. Extreme masculinity is linked to dominance, sexism, and even violence, unfortunately. If you notice, many African men have deep voices (with the acception of Akon). Whether or not their voices are a result of the vowel/consonant usage in languages, I’m not sure. But perhaps this contributes to the notion that they are aggressive men.
Traditionally Sexist(by Western Standards) Cultures:
Some ethnic groups in Africa still practice polygamy. Though colonialism and the spread of Christianity decreased the practice of the tradition, the view of men as a dominant sex still largely remains due to the economic natures of their roles. African men hold large monopolies in government, business, and labor. A woman’s role is still largely to care for her children. Christianity even furthers those values since a wife is called upon to be submissive to her husband. African women, in my experience, are extremely strong business women in their own right (count how many braiding salons you see on a main street in any city), but still honor and try to serve their men. This may be seen by the West as a fear of the men, or a problem with the culture, resulting in speculations that they may be terrorized at home.
The Demeanor:
My dad and uncles were always (and still are) the smartest men that I know. They were extremely spiritual, hilarious, and never laid an abusive hand on my mother, their children, or my aunts. Their demeanors, however, may have led you to believe otherwise. Sometimes they didn’t speak much when we had friends over. They chose to stay to themselves, and only spoke when sending us to do something, or asking a question. I didn’t notice this until a friend was over my house one day and mentioned that he had never heard my father speak. That could be suspect, as a child visiting a friend, and may sound awkward and even offensive when the said child informs their parents of their experience. My father’s demeanor and African men that may have had similar mannerisms, came from his exhaustion and frustration in his displacement. A significant amount of African men that hold working-class jobs, or own small taxi companies, take-out restaurants, etc., may have once held prominent positions in their home countries, and may have even been extremely wealthy. The majority of those that ended up in America are not here by choice. War is the biggest reason for immigration, but corrupt governments can be blamed for their displacement also. The horrible part about it is that when they come here, America doesn’t grant their college or advanced degrees as “accredited”, and since most have children and families, they can’t afford to go back to school. So essentially, they have to start all over. Essentially, they are living “riches to rags” stories, and are emasculated, disheartened, and become introverted in return. Not to mention, in addition to having lost everything and having a boss who you know more than, being teased because of your accent, the way you look, and your country.
The history of America’s BLACK MALE FEAR:
After slavery, one of the fallacies used to disconnect white women from possible attraction to black males was the stereotype that they were sexually and physically abusive men. Over time, the assumption died down (when million dollar contracts were signed by pro-athletes and professionals, but I digress). It still exists; the image of the aggressive black male preying on the blond-haired, flat ass maiden, the King-Kong and whatever-her-name-was, the Lebron James and Gisele Bundchen….yeah I said it.
<—- sigh.
Consider this: how different is the assumption (stereotype) that African men are aggressive wife-beaters from what the majority believed about African-American men forty years ago (and still)? See a pattern? We are internalizing their stereotypes of us, and are therefore stagnant, because we are being trained to see ourselves as they see us.
And if what they see of us is like the above image of Lebron, then tell me; how much progress are we, can we, really make?
Tags: African-Americans, Fear, Ike Turner, Joe Jackson, Lawrence Fishburn, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Lebron James, Male dominance, Self-Hatred
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July 5, 2008 at 12:14 am
SAH,
Where do I begin? First Cos We are African sent me your way. Second, I find your blog title interesting. It sort of purports to speak for all Africans. Third, your topic on the stereotpyes that Whites/ Americans have about Africans, while I agree that is prevalent and that not every African man is a wife beater e.t.c., let’s get really honest.
I know more Africans than I do white/blacks or any other group that holds these “stereotypes,” especially women. These stereotypes did not just appear from thin air, it has been based on the personal experiences of these women and reinforced through popular culture.
I have found that typically, Americans or other groups learn or assume these stereotypes based on Africans, especially women, and men communicating these “stereotypes” on how their mamas, aunts, sisters, cousins were abused by the men in their lives. There is a book by Milton Allimadi, publisher of Black Star News, called the “Hearts of Darkness” he argues that historically Africans never hit their women until the white man invaded the continent and taught the African man to move away from mediation, where elders were the arbiters of disputes, to hitting their women.
For me, the underlying question becomes how prevalent is abuse and violence by the African man towards the African woman-it’s sort of like the cheating question. Plus, once you answer that question then why do many African women, especially younger age groups have these, “stereotypes” and do not want to walk the paths their mothers, sisters, aunts e.t.c walked with that African man?
Yes, you are clear that not ALL African men are aggressive or wife beaters. But, it is still a very prevalent issue in our society. For me, I believed this “stereotype” while living and being raised in Africa. Grown women were constantly getting hit, slapped and told were their place was when they challenged their men. It was very traumatic for me and shaped my experiences and views on teh African man. This was also reinforced in popular culture and media.
In relocating to the USA, I began to debunk that myth which was a very very very tough thing to do because I believed , truly believed most African men were abusive. I actually dated an African man and a large part of our relationship not working out was the big FEAR I had that he would become this violent person, again reinforced in Africa not in the USA.
The stories of personal friends of mine and the domestic violence in their homes, were do I begin? Anyway, it goes back to my question, who spreads or pertuates these “stereotypes?” If it is Africans, especially young African women, then can we get honest with self first, look at our statistical and anecdoctal data and ask ourselvs why is this so prevalent that it is such a norm? Even if a few don’t do it, the prevalence of such aggressiveness and wife beating makes most believe that’s the way African men behave, a belief and stereotype that is perpetuated by Africans themselves.
My point, if we are going to accuse whites of stereotpes of African men, we ought to clean house amongst ourselves and look deep within to see were these stereotypes come from and fix them/selves before we expect non-Africans to do the same.
July 6, 2008 at 1:11 am
Ladybrille,
Where do I begin? First I want to thank you for taking to time to visit my space and contribute to the discourse. It was my goal to bring people together and discuss issues that are currently swimming about the diaspora and causing trouble and misunderstanding. Did you read my About or Disclaimer pages? If you did then you will see that I addressed the title, as well as explained the purpose and intent of the blog. I wouldn’t generalize an entire continent of people, so I decided to create a space to ramble about my experiences and frustrations as a cross-cultured kid in America, and share with others with similar experiences, or those that just recognize that these things should be addressed.
Second, I want to apologize to you for your experience. It’s extremely unfortunate that you never had the opportunity of growing up around strong, loving, and non-abusive African men. Or did you? I was unclear because it seemed as though all of your experiences (and every African woman/girl you’ve ever known) with African men were negative. May I ask where in Africa you are from?Again, my assertions are based on my experiences, and I state that several times in my writing. However, aside from what I know, I can’t say that I know many African women that harbor as much aggression towards the issue as you seem to; especially to a point that it carries over into your other relationships with men. It’s so sad that things have to be that way. I have a close friend who doesn’t date black men because she and her mother were constantly hurt by them. That’s really disheartening that so many black women share abusive anecdotes. But I have to ask, don’t women in all demographics?
Isn’t abuse prevalent in all societies? Aren’t sexism and chauvinism problems that most ethnic groups can say they have encountered? It is “prevalent” in African culture, but compared to whose?
I am not accusing whites of stereotypes of African men any more than I’m questioning the men themselves for their sometimes intimidating persona. Did you read the first three possibilities? What did you think of those?
My post was an examination of a stereotype that I do not agree with, because it has not been my experience. While I understand that stereotypes stem from some truth, this stereotype has become a rule, and is unfair to my father, uncles, cousins, brothers, and my future son. I guess this is one of those examples of just how big the continent is.
July 7, 2008 at 3:26 pm
well your article is interesting, but again you might have to also put it this african american women are very agresive and abusive would this be a stereotyte well i would say yes because they are not all the same. And so is it with African men i believe it’s a stereotype . it always goes back to how one was raised, if his father beat up on his mom then the man might have grown up thinking it’s ok to be abusive,…this applies to all races by the way and not this stereotyping of african men. ..
Most stereotypes from other races are born out of ingnorance and luck of understand of where one comes from
July 11, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I can truly say from personal experience that african men are abusive.
I was once hit so hard that 4 of my teeth were knocked out. This was by my husband (soon to be ex).
What was the reason?
I had simply asked him to leave my home due to his abuse. (mind you I had supplied money to encourage him to leave and had also spoken in a VERY polite manner (to not encite more wrath upon myself).
Needless to say, I woke up from my 2 hour coma, on the floor with a bloodied face and my husband sitting idly by watching tv as if nothing had ever happened.
Go figure.
July 13, 2008 at 6:42 pm
K,
First I want to apologize to you for any pain (physical or emotional) that ANY man impressed upon you. It’s a shame that so many people lack bravery, in so many unfortunate and devastating ways.
The problem I have is that when you make a statement like “african men are abusive”, you are including many of my immediate and extended family, many of my friends and former classmates, whom I know were never physically abusive. Such a blanket statement is not fair, because of an experience that you had with one (or more) African men.
I have this conversation frequently with my cousin, except it’s the other way around. She was once married to an African-American man (boy), who abused her so badly that she had a failed pregnancy. Now, not only will she not date another African-American man, but she is convinced that they are all ignorant, abusive, and can never respect or love Africans because they hate themselves so much. Needless to say, though what happened to her still makes me feel sick to this day, she is wrong for the generalization, on so many different levels.
I find that some of my friends that date African men date them out of curiosity. No matter where someone is from, all warning signs are the same. Is that man overly aggressive in his interactions with others (not you)? Does he have a history of abuse in his family? Is he overly demanding of your time? Does he try to chaperon your social/familial life? Does he assume the right to make decisions for you? (<–Whether or not it’s out of presumed chivalry or for cultural reasons, that to me is wrong. Everyone deserves and should exercise their freedom of choice.)
I’m certainly not implying that your choice was the sole purpose of your abuse; I respect you to be a reasonable person and know that many men (people) become different people over time than who you met.
I just discourage generalizations and stereotypes, because from personal experience I can truly say that everyone deserves a chance.
July 13, 2008 at 7:58 pm
African Men are Controlling and Abusive …………..I would call that nothing but Stereotyping
Miss K once again i am sorry that you found yourself in a messy situation but just like SAH said, i think you should not generalize even it is very deplorable and sad that you all got to that level .Violence has never solved one single issue and it is unneccessary
It is One Brother who acted out and he is not a representation of all African Men .I have never and will never put my hands on a woman,and I can speak for many of my friends .That Particular man you were dealing with is probably violent ,and that behavior does not have anything to do with him being an African .
I have only sisters and i would challenge any Man (African or African American ) to put their hands on them it will be another story .
NO Man should touch a Woman Inapproprietely be it Black ,White,Yellow ,……………
July 14, 2008 at 4:47 pm
My one and only experience with an African man was my ex-husband (Senegalese). And you know what, he was exactly that; controlling, abusive and demanding. He fit the stereotype down to the letter. Forunately, I don’t believe ALL African men are like him but at the same time, if I’m honest, I’ll admit that coming out of my marriage I was very hesitant to get involved with another African man. (Even though I seem to be a West African man magnet, lol). I felt like culturally we’d clash and then it would start to happen again, he’d try to control me and then eventually become abusive. It’s so sad to admit because I consider myself so cultural savvy and open-minded. It didn’t help that some of my friends and family members said, “I told you, that’s how them African men are.” (Never mind you that the same stereotype exists about both African-Americans and Jamaicans).
But don’t give up on me, I’ve worked through my feelings. I realize he was one man and that was one experience.
July 14, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Wow, I am so glad that I came here when I did. I have to get more of my friends to visit and give testaments of their GOOD experiences with African men. Many if not most black men at my school are African, and I find that they are very sweet, focused, and committed boyfriends. I dated one and we broke up, but he was a really great guy. My line sister is marrying an African guy next spring, and I know African girls at my school that date African-Americans.
July 14, 2008 at 8:45 pm
@Jamerican Muslimah
Assalamalecoum
On Behalf of all the Senegalese I apologize for the behavior of that particular brother .Like you said he is not a Representation of US ,and I am glad you were able to see that
Senegalese are most of the time not violent nor abusive ,Senegal is known for its teranga (we are very welcoming ,nice ,and sweet Senegal = “Le Pays de la Teranga “),but the cultural difference is here and we all have to deal with it .An AA sister might do something that she thinks is ok ,but might not be acceptable to an African Man ,we African Men can do things that are out of norm too .
If we do not find a common ground to walk on ,Any relationship is doomed to fail .Pointing fingers will not get us anywhere ,cause we all have had bad experiences with the other group .
African and African American just need to respect each other a little more ,i think that will be a good start .
September 16, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I am feeling this blog, as a young Liberian woman. My father has NEVER EVER EVER hit my mother and I have not witnessed abuse in my household. Unfortunately, I work in an organization that caters to African immigrants and we have a shelter specifically for them. In this shelter, the women range from all places in Africa, from Ethiopian to Nigerian to Kenyan to South African. A lot of them are fleeing their husbands, boyfriends, etc. Before I worked here, I would never have really considered the stereotype of the abusive African ale, but it is something that is real and worth paying attention to. The stories are always sad and the danger is real.
I am glad I got to see both sides and do not think ALL African men are this way. When I handle clients, the rules change based on the case–and that’s how judgment of others should be all the time: on a case-by-case basis. It’s not fair to think a certain country engages in these negative behaviors because you saw it once.
Africa already gets misjudged as it is. I am a proud African woman and I absolutely love this site. I will definitely be an avid reader. Keep up the good work!